I haven’t been on this blog in a while.

I guess because the last post is still in the back of my mind.

Posted on February 1, 2013 at 3:40pm

I think, unless there’s another person in that small city with the same name and job (that my mother mentioned once, a long time ago), there’s a small possibility I found my ‘father’ on LinkedIn. I already dislike this year.

Posted on January 3, 2013 at 7:54pm

I’m a bag of mixed emotions today.

Posted on December 27, 2012 at 11:21am
I’mma take this to heart.

I’mma take this to heart.

(via goddessofmisfits)

325,494 notesPosted on December 22, 2012 at 3:57pm

the triangle-of-doom-becomes-the-square-of-doom-and-my-friends-have-my-back chapter

Red told me that I need to keep Velma away from George. Apparently, Velma said that she has plans to “have him inside” her on New Year’s. Honestly? How horrible is that?

First, Margo is all about George and getting her paws on him. Now Velma too? I mentioned this to Katy, Annabell (name means ‘easy to love’), and my roommate…well, they all said the same thing as Red. All four of them believe that I have a better chance with George. I don’t know if that’s what I wanted to hear, to be honest. I don’t want to know that I could win a boy, and hurt two of my friends in the process.

Then again, it makes me feel a little less worried about the situation. To be honest, I doubt that George will have sex with Velma - even if he’s seriously drunk. I doubt it, mainly because I wanna believe that he won’t. I could be wrong, and if I’m wrong, then that’s a serious mistake that could cost me the guy I like. I know him well enough to know that he doesn’t like Velma, but I also know him well enough to know that he could get horny and let things happen. He’s a guy. 

Honestly, if anything happens between him and Velma - at least, well, at least I’d know he doesn’t feel the same about me, right? Then again, what if he doesn’t know how he feels or…worse, what if it would ruin what he could feel.

The same idea goes with Margo. If he makes a move on either of them, and not me, then I guess I’ll have my answer. He doesn’t like me, and it could ruin whatever chance that he could develop feelings for me. 

I suppose I just have to figure out what I need, and want, to do. Do I go up to Toronto for New Year’s Eve? I do wish to be there for NYE. I also, definitely don’t want Velma to have a chance to do anything stupid…or to get her claws on him. However, what if I go and everything blows up in my face anyway? Honestly, it could be really, really bad. Could it get any worse than my friend hooking up with the guy I like? Oh, probably. I mean, I could hook up with a guy two of my friends like.

I don’t want to be selfish, or self-centered. I don’t want to be anything bad, really. I’ve felt quite terrible about myself over the past month or so. I want to stop being a bitch, stop being selfish, stop being…me. I want to stop. I’m not sure how I can go about it, but I’m going to just calm my shit. I want to feel good about myself again.

I don’t want to be that bitch who actually has an ex-friend desperate to be her friend. I’m not special enough for that shit. I’ve been such a bully, such a jackass to her…I don’t deserve to have her desperation, her need, her complete and utter loyalty. I want to scream and rip out my hair. That, the way she kind of devoted herself to me, reminded me of how horrible I’ve been. I don’t want that reminder.

I sent a message to the Scorpio. I’d blame it on the alcohol, but it’d be a lie. I just…I had some things I needed to say before I could completely put him, and my feelings, away in a box. He read it three minutes after I sent it. He didn’t respond, mainly because there’s not much to respond to (so if he does, it’d be really weird). It was nice though. Getting rid of those final thoughts, it was relieving. I feel better now.

I feel as though I’ve really accomplished something, really made peace with it. I’m sure the demons will come up occasionally, but I don’t think they’re going to have as big of an impact as they’d like.

I’ve worked so damn hard to put him in a box and bury him and lock the door behind me.

I refuse to let the Square of Doom ruin all that I’ve worked for.

I’m not going to let George consume me, nor am I going to let myself have deeper feelings for him. If I do that, and he doesn’t reciprocate, I’m going to wind up in another Scorpio position. I can’t have that, can I? I’m working on it.

I’m not sure what I’m doing, or what I really think.

The best part of this whole mess is that I have some really great friends who have my back. Instead of not telling me, they told me exactly the weird stuff that goes on, and Red, she warned me to keep Velma away from George on NYE. They all told me how they’d be there for me no matter what happened - either recently or previously. They have all basically said they were Team Meg.

No one can truly understand how lucky I am. My best friends…the ones that truly, love me no matter what, the ones that have had my back throughout all of my crap…they’re these enigmas. You cannot explain them to anyone else. You can’t tell a soul how truly flawless and amazing these creatures are, because there aren’t enough words that can describe them with absolute unequivocally.

I hope they know how much I love them, how I am on all of their teams, how I appreciate them more than anyone.

dyslexyia:

Us

dyslexyia:

Us

(Source: staypozitive, via maybesavannah)

(via maybesavannah)

127,284 notesPosted on December 22, 2012 at 2:58pm

I had this huge heart to heart with my friend, Bee, last night. She helped me acknowledge a few things. One, Background Feelings are a thing and it’s okay to have them, as long as they don’t become Foreground Feelings and mess up with your already-Foreground Feelings. And two, no one really knows what they’re doing. There aren’t really actual rules as to how we live, what we should do, or where we should…who we should be. The nice thing is, stuff works out and stuff falls apart. It’s life. I had this whole kinda thought process while she spoke of the fact that it’s kind of beautiful that I don’t really know what I’m doing with George.

On a side note, I’ve officially decided that I’mma keep doing what I’m doing with George - being close friends - and hope that it goes somewhere. If it does, great, if it doesn’t, then great too. However, I’mma stop worrying about Margo because at this point, I can’t be bothered. 

0x-ygen:

happyasiangirl:

raaaaaad:

pretty-scars-and-midnight-lust:

I want a guy like this… Who’ll hug me like this when I’m upset.. :(

this is my favourite gif ever

just had to repost this again, today i had a bad day, i was crying and my bf comforted me like that <3

awh this is so Andrew :’-) favorite gif ;aldkjsa

It’s funny, because most people probably want this kind of hug from a boyfriend or something, but I would never trade this kind of hug from my best friend and roommate. It’s the single best hug.

0x-ygen:

happyasiangirl:

raaaaaad:

pretty-scars-and-midnight-lust:

I want a guy like this… Who’ll hug me like this when I’m upset.. :(

this is my favourite gif ever

just had to repost this again, today i had a bad day, i was crying and my bf comforted me like that <3

awh this is so Andrew :’-) favorite gif ;aldkjsa

It’s funny, because most people probably want this kind of hug from a boyfriend or something, but I would never trade this kind of hug from my best friend and roommate. It’s the single best hug.

(via welcome2myyworldd)

How is this place not a date? Oh look here, there’s even a post that says it’s a perfect first date! I really hope it could be…